22 | from the Netherlands | ♌️
What if nothing ever will change?
Oh I’m caught between your love and a hard place
Oh I wish there was a right way
H.E.R.
related to my last post but like. being depressed and KNOWING you’re depressed is such a singularly frustrating feeling? like, you wake up and have shit you want to do except everything sounds exhausting and nothing can hold your focus and all that sounds remotely appealing in flopping down in bed and screaming but that’s no allowed so I guess we’ll just eat some more fruit snacks because we have to keep the shitty flesh vessel alive, and all the while it’s like you’re on autopilot rolling your eyes at this mess because you KNOW, you know exactly what the source of this stupid ennui is and you’re powerless to stop it so all you can do it hang ten and power through the day in the hopes that sleeping will be the reboot you need
the absolute strangest part is that being able to recognize that I’m not even… sad, really? just tired. so so so fucking deep-down tired that nothing could possibly make me happy, but that’s still not the same as sad. sadness takes energy that I do not have.
“what the fuck is wrong with me?” i ask, fully aware of the mood, personality, and anxiety disorders i have
